Vayechi

Keep Calm , Control yourself and you will Live a Better Life!

In Yaakov's blessing to Reuven he says: “Reuven, you are my firstborn, my strength and the first of my might”. Rashi explains that Ya’akov, in his extreme holiness, never experienced a seminal
emission before he fathered Reuven; thus Reuven was “the first of his might”. But what is the understanding of “my strength”? Some of the commentators explain that kochi (my strength) is
internal, whilst oni (my might) is external, i.e. what is brought out from potential to actuality. Thus,Ya’akov was effectively telling Reuven that he was the one who brought into actuality the inner
desires that Ya’akov had; he was the first internally and externally.

This was a tremendous message for Reuven. His entire makeup was from a spiritually pure and elevated place, and he was therefore fitting to receive the priesthood and the kingship (as the pasuk
above continues). Nonetheless, he forfeited this right. What caused this? his confusion and haste to avenge his mother’s honour, when he moved hisfather’s bed into his mother’s tent. Reuven’s anger lost him everything – 

both the priesthood and the kingship! Clearly, this was no simple mistake; this episode begs a deeper understanding.

It is evident in the writings of many of the commentators that it was not merely Reuven’s action that was so detrimental. Perhaps he was in some way correct. Once Rochel died, it made sense that Leah
would now be the main wife, and not one of the maidservants. The bigger issue here was Reuven’s “haste” with which he performed this action. Haste, not thinking before one acts, brings
confusion and mistakes. Reuven did not think before he acted. He got angry and ran to do exactly what he thought was right.

Our Rabbis tell us in numerous places the terrible effects of anger, both to a person and to the world. Amongst their words: “one who gets angry, all kinds of gehinnom take control of him”; “one
who gets angry, the shechinah moves away from him”; “one who gets angry and smashes utensils in his anger is as if served idols”; and many others. Why is anger so bad?
The answer is that a person only gets angry because he despises the fact that things are not in his control. People want to be able to plan their lives exactly as they wish, and let nothing get in the
way. As soon as anything changes beyond their control, they lose themselves and become angry. Through his actions, he exhibits the thought that he wants to control the world, and refuses to
accept that truthfully, he is powerless and everything is in the hands of Hashem. It is Hashem who is the sole operating force in this world, and He sends His agents to do His will, whether we like it or not. Thus, anger is tantamount to heresy.
If Reuven had approached his father and discussed his concerns, perhaps things would have turned out differently. But once he let anger take over, he demonstrated that he was not fitting for priesthood and kingship.

Priesthood is the vehicle that connects us to Hashem; such a vehicle must be thought out and deliberate in every action. Kingship, too, requires the patience and mindset to
deal with many people as individuals, and to give to each one what they need.

 Anger only leads to tyranny. 

It is frightening to think that even though Reuven did teshuva (as Rashi writes in Parshat Vayeshev), he never got back these gifts. Teshuva removes the sin and saves from punishment, but the only
thing that changes a person is through intense self-reflection. Even after Reuven’s teshuvah, the effect of his actions still remained entrenched in his personality, and he was unable to get back these special privileges.

May Hashem help us to work on all our middot and become better people.

Shabbat Shalom 

Rabbi Gad Bouskila